2026-05-25

• Second week working; while at the workplace I feel competent and capable, the second I leave everything starts falling apart around me and I have nightmares about it on my days off, whether I check the chat with my bosses or not. There’s so much information, I’m needed at so many places and there’s just one of me. I think I’m a good teacher but then everyone I’ve taught does their job wrong and it’s my fault. I don’t know what to do.
• I guess it’s always been easy to say that I don’t want my job to define who I am, and that includes it being hard proof of my skills or, evidently, an equivalence of labor and value. But I can’t shake that discourse from my own mind at times. It’s making me feel small and useless.
• The everlasting presence of these thoughts and stress has me forgetting my own hobbies. I’m hoping it will pass, that as I get more used to the rhythm of work I will also have the energy and focus that my hobbies require. I want to apologize for both the slow journal updates and the fact that the only updates to the site are on the journal. I will be myself again soon, I promise.
• I want to re-read Tongari Boushi no Atelier; I’ve been watching the anime as it comes out and I first read the manga in the summer of 2024. I’m a few chapters behind the latest so it would also be good to catch up, but I wanted a refresher either way. I will use the Seasonal Survival group parallel play to do this, most likely.
• At least there’s Tumblr. Thankfully easy to manage and enjoy, in these times where my energy is at an all time low.